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  1. #41
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    I hated when old womens poke me during wedding and said that i'm next, but that stopped when i started to do the same to them in funeral

  2. #42
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    A big biker guy goes to the Harley shop and buys the best bike they got there, all options included and everything and tuned to the way to hell. The salesman seing him so ethusiastic about he's new bike takes the biker outside and tells him:
    - Because you're such a fan of your new Harley, I'll give you this special grease bucket for free. When you see clouds up in the sky and it's about to rain, rub this grease on all the bike's metalic parts and it'll never rust and it will always look shining new.
    The guy takes the bucket and heads to his future wife. He takes her and they go to his future in-laws. While they were sitting outside eating dinner, his future wife whispers to him:
    - We have a tradition in our family when we eat together, the last one to speak at the table washes the dishes.
    When the dinner nearly ended, everybody stops talking and the guy realises he was the last one to speak. He starts thinking about what to do to make the others talk. He takes his future wife, rips her clothes off and starts banging her right there on the table. Nothing, everybody was silent. The guy takes his future mother-in-law and rides her too. Still nothing. He's about to give up when he notices raindops falling down. He opens the grease buckets and gets some grease on his fingers, when his father-in-law starts screaming desperately:
    "FORGET ABOUT IT! I'LL WASH THE DAMN DISHES!!!"

  3. #43
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    Once two Blondes were playing Chess!

  4. #44
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
    “You know, it’s the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer.”

  5. #45
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    One day a man walked through the woods. At one point meets a bear.

    The man put his knees and says:

    - Dear God, please give this bear Christian thoughts!

    PUUUFFFF and desire is fulfilled

    Place the bear in the knee:

    - God Bless this meal ..

  6. #46
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

    He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

    Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

    He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

    The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

    This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

  7. #47
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    Three bats were hanging upside down from a tree branch. Suddenly the middle bat stood with his head pointing towards the sky. Then both of the other bats, cried in shock, "Oh my God! Jerry's fainted!!!"

  8. #48
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom.

    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

  9. #49
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    what is it with you people claiming windmills should be an answer to producing energy? i think they dont cool the air at all! -HAHAA....haa..

  10. #50
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    Default Re: Contest: Win a free iON BatteryTimer app license by Capree.com

    How come no one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning?


 
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